im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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