this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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