Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
