'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i drank out of a bidet.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
