I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
