M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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