just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
