I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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