i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize