dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
