lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
