Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
