This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
