he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so let's talk penis.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
