Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
