Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
