All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
