just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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