plz talk dirty to me
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
