he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
