i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
