Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just had sex on a roof
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
