naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
