A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
