You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
