Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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