I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we should paint friendship bongs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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