Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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