Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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