am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
