i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
