My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
