i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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