He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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