I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
