You're earring is so big in my mouth
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize