Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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