At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
