When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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