Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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