Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
