people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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