Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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