i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
