maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
