I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
