i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize