If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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