erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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