I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
