my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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