I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
either way he was missing a nipple.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
