the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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