dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
