My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I deserve this hangover.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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