ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I know her cup size but not her name....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
