I wanna bring you to show and tell
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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