I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize