the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
