I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
