eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
