I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
