scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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