I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
