you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
