ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
