my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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