he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
