I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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