I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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