hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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